oh luztoye…be still my beating heart. 

it was rare that george luz regretted saying something. 

he talks a lot and though not everything means something, he never regrets saying it.

however, standing in the middle of his apartment, about to lose his best friend is causing him to reevaluate some things.

“luz, you gotta believe me, that was the last thing i wanted to happen. please.”

luz stops and lets out a long sigh, defeated, “it doesn’t matter anymore, joe. it happened. there’s no point in arguing anymore.”

george looked at the remnants of the abruptly ended party around his apartment; cups littered every surface, half a bowl of pretzels were destroyed, and the music still played quietly.

george felt joe take a step closer to him and regretfully he immediately took a step back.

he looked up slowly and the sorrow, regret, and pain in joe’s eyes was almost enough for him to cave.

almost.

“joe, just please leave. i just want to end this birthday, alone.”

he saw joe flinch at the reminder of his birthday and steeled himself to get his best friend to leave.

“luz i’m not leavin’ until i know you’re okay. i know it was an accident but i can’t leave until i make this right.”

george threw himself onto the couch with a grunt. he closed his eyes and went over the past half hour and of his life and how this birthday went from great to fucking horrible. and karaoke wasn’t even his idea this time.

the party was in full swing, all of his friends were here and having a good time, and george was laughing with his best friend. there wasn’t anything more he could ask for. well, there was, but he’d locked that dream away long ago. 

in an instant, joe was whispering warmly in his ear, and no matter how many times it happened, george always shivered. 

“we have to sing a song together, luz. make them all jealous of our talent.”

george was just buzzed enough for that to sound like a good idea. 

george laughed softly, “they’re jealous just lookin’ at us joe.”

“come on luz, it’s your birthday.”

he sighs fondly, “what do you suggest we sing, joe?”

george’s famous last words before his entire life changed.

they’re in the middle of a slow, but intense duet of dream a little dream of me - and for the life of him joe doesn’t understand why joe picked it - and george realizes that there’s no way in hell he would ever love someone as much as joe.

there’s an easy smile on joe’s lips when they’re not softly serenading him and the way joe is looking at him is causing sweat to break out on the back of neck. 

towards the end of the song, george is unconsciously moving closer to joe; his body drawing joe’s closer by his t-shirt.

before he knows it, his lips are on joe’s and the entire room goes silent.

but george can’t hear the silence over the rushing blood in his ears.

in an instant, he’s recoiled away from joe and is staring at his friends staring at the two of them.

the silence becomes deafening and george just says, “party over,” into the microphone before running into his bedroom and locking the door.

then he waited. 

and he thought.

he waited as the previously loud party ended in hushed murmurs and promises of phone calls and text messages.

he thought about joe and how this was one secret that he promised to never let out. it could never happen because for as well as george knows joe, his best friend was exclusively heterosexual. and if there was one thing george wouldn’t let slip, wouldn’t let happen, it would be to lose the best things in his life.

but he did. and he can’t find it in himself to regret it. the feeling of joe’s lips on his compares to nothing else he’s ever experienced. and now that he knows he’ll never experience joe’s laugh or whispered words only for him or the feeling of joe’s warmth seeping into his own again.

and at that realization, george cries.

then he waits again. he waits for it all to stop. the lingering goodbyes, the concerned voices at his door begging him to talk or come out, and the thoughts running through his head to all stop. 

he justs waits until everything goes quiet. 

and when it finally does and he thinks everyone has gone and his emotions have drained, he exits the room.

only to find joe waiting silently against the wall across the hallway.

he looks up and george is nervous and shaky and he isn’t prepare to deal with this now or ever so he immediately starts screaming at joe.

he knows it isn’t fair, but it was clear from his reaction that he can’t write this off as a drunken mistake, so he goes for anger because it distracting and unexpected. it’s rare that george is angry and even rarer that he screams. he hopes it’ll throw joe off enough not to question what happened.

“what are you doing here, joe? i told everyone to leave. i’m tired and want to go to bed.”

joe tries to gently grab george but the shorter man pulls his arm away harshly.

“i just want-”

“what want, joe? what the fuck could you possibly want from me?”

and that’s when the real arguing started.

george was pulled from his reminiscing when he felt joe’s hand on his knees.

he didn’t even trying to fight the slight shiver from the contact and rubbed his eyes harshly before looking toward joe.

“why are you still here, joe?”

he felt joe’s hand squeeze his knee softly.

“i told you luz, i’m not leaving until i make this right.”

and george, for all that he tried, fell back on his natural defense. projecting his own wants and fears through joking and sarcasm.

“what’re you gonna do? confess your undying love for me?”

when joe doesn’t laugh, but instead holds onto george’s leg a little tighter, george’s eyes shoot open.

“cross that. don’t answer that.”

joe leans forward and george’s breath catches.

“i wouldn’t say undying, just yet. you can be a little trying at times.”

“i said don’t answer it joe.”

george tried to get up but joe pushed him back down onto the couch.

“just fucking listen luz.”

george was breathing heavier but he nodded slowly.

“you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to kiss you, do you?”

george slowly shook his head, unable to do anything more as he could barely keep his heart beating normally.

“fuck luz, since day one. i mean since the moment you first made fun of me, i couldn’t get you out of my head. i still can’t. my first thought of the day is whether or not i’m gonna get to see you and my last thought is either replaying what we did or wishing i had been able to see you. i know that you have to feel something similar. shit luz, i can’t be the only one that’s felt this,” joe gestured between the two of them, “between the two of us. even if you don’t, please just talk to me right now because i need to know whether or not i can kiss you again because it’s killing me not to kiss you right now.”

after about 180 seconds of george’s brain catching up to everything joe confessed, he scoots forward toward the edge of the couch leaning more into joe.

“that makes two of us.” he smiles before kissing joe again and this time is completely different.

it isn’t rushed or nervous. it’s just a kiss, but the fact that they’re kissing one another, each other’s other half, makes it infinitely more special and perfect.

george could never get used to the feel of joe’s lips on his, for as long as he lived. 

it always made george feel electrified, like the small shock you get when you’re not paying attention to plugging something in. 

your heart races, your skin tingles, and it lingers ever so slightly in the most amazing way.

he doesn’t know how long they sit there, amongst the rubbish of the party and the remnants of what george thought was the rubble of his ruin friendship, just kissing and holding one another.

“happy birthday, luz.”

george slaps joe on the arm softly, “this isn’t sixteen candles, joe. you’re not going to deflower me tonight.”

joe pull his best friend to him and kisses george again. when they pull away and george’s cheek are flushed and they’re both panting, joe laughs softly, “wanna reconsider that?”

george pulls his best friend close to him by the grip his has on the front of his shirt, “hell of an idea, joe.”